Mike at Night My Way or The Highway
Some people are uncomfortable unless they're able to control every aspect of their lives. The current slang for this kind of person is that they're "control freaks." They can be found everywhere; at work, at home, in friendships and in relationships. Negative experiences in life made them that way and changing is virtually impossible. Most of us have probably had at least one boss who was controlling. I have a Master's degree in Public Administration (thought I wanted to be a City Manager at that point in my life) and, in the very first class I took, the professor said that the best administrator had the least to do because he/she surrounded themselves with qualified, competent people who knew how to do their job and do it right. Controllers tend not to do this, however, because they see qualified, competent people as threats to their authority so they either don't hire them to begin with or they do hire them but they handcuff them by giving them little, if any, decision making abilities. The controller has to be on top of everything, has to make every decision, has to oversee every activity and, in the process, often finds himself or herself drowning in minutiae. Because of this, the overall operation of the organization grinds almost to a halt and its progress is seriously impeded. Maybe we've had friends who were controllers as well. They, too, want to make all the decisions and call all the shots. If things don't go their way, they get angry or they pout. They're not able to just go along. They want to be in charge; not some of the time but all the time. When we allow them to do this we're enabling their behavior. Perhaps the most nefarious controller is found in relationships. Men haven't cornered the market in this area either. Many women are controllers as well. A controlling personality is gender-neutral. But whether it's a man or a woman, they insist that things always go they way THEY want them to go. They dictate what's for supper and when it should be ready. They decide where to go and when to leave. When they're not around, they tell the other person in the relationship where they can go or can't go and who they can go or can't go with. These type relationships are not based on love. Whenever one person is totally subjugated by another person, it demonstrates only the burning need the controller has to be the architect of not only every area of his life but every area of the other person's life as well. This is not a quality of love, it is not a quality of caring. It is, in fact, just the opposite. A controller is only secure whenever everything is going exactly the way they want it to go. The other person's feelings, needs, and desires are not taken into account at all. The other person in the relationship is never asked what they might like to do, where they might like to go, or when they might like to leave. The controller does this because he/she literally doesn't CARE what they other person wants, they only care about themselves. So, in a business, the controller is death to organizational progress and morale because two-way social relationships don't exist. Every decision is an individual decision, manifested in one-way directives from the top down. In friendships, people soon tire of the person who wants to dictate everything to everyone else. And in relationships, a controlling personality soon robs the other person of whatever love, understanding, or compassion he or she once felt for the controller. Love cannot bloom and flourish from fear and intimidation. Love can only come from love. Mike can be e-mailed at mikeatnight@hotmail.com |