Monday night saw almost a quarter of the world watch the 70^th annual Academy Awards on television. Hollywood’s finest were on display in all their glitter, glamour and glory for the greatest show on earth at the grand hotel. The sound of music was in the air. Even Madonna’s memory lapse that it was a formal party (rather than a costume party) couldn’t even spoil the festivities. Her appearance as Mrs. Hagar the Horrible of comic strip fame just added to the marvelous comic relief of Billy Crystal.

Happy days are here again because it is as good as it gets. It is truly the best years of our lives. In the words of Titanic director James Cameron that finished the 3 and a half hour spectacle, "let’s party until dawn." Boogie the night away; tomorrow, it might be gone with the wind from here to eternity.

Welcome to the greatest show on earth. Let's go along for the ride around the world in 80 days on the unsinkable ship of peace and prosperity. What could go wrong with Captain Clinton at the huge helm that extends all the way out of Africa? Miss Daisy is even along for the ride. This week, we have seen how calm and fearless Captain Clinton is when confronted with a large crowd of Africans eager to shake his hand. It brought back memories of Lawrence of Arabia.

Captain Clinton has always met the call of duty. His parol board can attest that Captain Bill can echo the words of John Paul Jones: "I have not yet begun to fight."

Okay. That isn’t exactly the words of old JP Jones, but we all know that Captain Clinton has a brave heart. So, it is okay to sting the truth a little. Captain Clinton might not have been part of a platoon that went deer hunting and is no Patton; but then again, he is far from being a Ghandi. The fair First Lady communicates with the ghost of Eleanor Roosevelt, whose husband reminded us that "all we have to fear is fear itself." Therefore, fear not for icy waters or Red October's cannot hurt us. Captain Clinton will feel the pain for us.

Bill Clinton may have lit the chariots of fire in the heat of the night with Monica, attempted to make a french connection with Kathryn and offered the full monty to Paula, but things are going our way. Captain Clinton’s bridge to the 21^st century could never be a bridge too far and will never suffer the fate of the bridge on the River Kwai.

To stop another mutiny on the bounty, it is time to silence the lambs that lambast lying leaders. Invite them to our party to dance with the wolves, otherwise known as all the king's men. Those children murdering children in Captain Clinton’s home port of Arkansas you heard of was just part of the conspiracy theory. In a continent far, far away, Bill Clinton solved the problems of all children in this country by giving 120 million dollars to the children of Africa.

Anyone that is unforgiven and agrees with Hamlet that "there is something wrong in the state of Denmark" must not be ordinary people. They must have flown over the cuckoo’s nest. Either pay allegiance to Captain Clinton and proclaim him the last emperor or stay away from the waterfront, for the Godfather awaits. Schindler is no longer around, so don’t forget the towering inferno in Waco.

Back home on the western front in the landlocked prairie of Nebraska, where the character of the Midnight Cowboy and Anne Hall are not considered terms of endearment, I hope we don’t consider the fate of Kramer v. Kramer to be desirable. I hope we are more savvy than Forrest Gump to remember the fate of the Titanic.